I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
