you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
