you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
