I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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