That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
