??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
