a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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