Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize