If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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