apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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