My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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