forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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