She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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