how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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