What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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