VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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