i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
