She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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