I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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