I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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