hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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