the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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