If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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