you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
