he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
