I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?