Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.