he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.