I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
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Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage