glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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