I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
