ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
