we're blogging at a bar
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ttyl tear gas
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
