I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize