i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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