Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
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Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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