People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Oh god it's open bar.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
