Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
