yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
