ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
