Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
