wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
