You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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