y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize