Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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