sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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