I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
