The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
