I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
