you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.