I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
