i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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