me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
