His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
