you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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