I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize