omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
