I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea