Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been