There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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