My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
