The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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