I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
