I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I want her autograph on my taint
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All I want is dick and wine.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
