First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
