He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
