Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
